Lately, I’ve been feeling lost on my journey, but in a weird sense. I’m caught up on assignments, I feel assured in my faith, and my personal relationships are flowing smoothly. It’s a constant goal for me to balance these three things, but right now I can’t complain. Still, something seemed off.
It feels like the closer I get to the realization of my academic and personal goals, the fuzzier they become.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s absolutely not a lack of passion. I actually couldn’t feel more certain of my own vision for my life. I am blessed to have the opportunities that I’ve had.
The point is, whether it’s the pressure for plans to work out perfectly, or even the fear that we don’t know if we want this anymore, we can all feel unsure when it comes to major events in our lives.
I plan to marry young, and I’ve felt the invisible stigma of that being such a limiting thing so much so that I’ve almost reconsidered my plans for that exact reason. I have a bad habit of planning out my exact actions, and I don’t receive satisfaction until I have a plan. The overwhelming possibilities of organizations to work for, where to apply for graduate school (or not), where I could be living for the first five years of my life of my adult life, along with the possibility of search for a starter home this time next year.
Do we put too much pressure on ourselves? I can’t help but be reminded of this verse from Matthew:
“Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?
Right now, I need to focus on things that will keep me going and feeling confident in my journey. I feel unmoved in my education and with the mentors in my life, who have provided me so much more than advice. The incredible support of my family and significant other who relieve the burden of such a highly sensitive person. But ironically, one of the greatest things keeping me on track is aiming so high. Whatever do I, wherever I live, I will make it good.
I believe that you will too. Keep going